How to Stop Self-Abandoning & Come Back to Yourself

Patricia Dupont
Jan 27
2 min read

Self‑abandonment is one of the most common patterns I see in women who are overwhelmed, burnt out, or carrying old wounds around worthiness and belonging. It often shows up quietly — in the moments you override your needs, silence your truth, or make yourself small to keep the peace.

Most people don’t realise they’re doing it. They just feel exhausted, resentful, disconnected, or “not themselves”.

The good news is that self‑abandonment isn’t a personality flaw. It’s a protective pattern your system learned a long time ago. And with the right tools, you can gently unlearn it and build a new way of relating to yourself — one that feels grounded, safe, and true.

This blog post walks you through the foundations of staying with yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable. And if you’d like a clear, step‑by‑step guide you can print or save, you’ll find a downloadable worksheet at the end.

What Self‑Abandonment Really Looks Like

Self‑abandonment isn’t always dramatic. It often sounds like:

“It’s fine, don’t worry about me.”
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
“I’ll just deal with it later.”
“Whatever you want is okay.”

It’s the moment you disconnect from your own needs to maintain harmony, avoid conflict, or keep others comfortable. Over time, this creates a deep sense of disconnection from your body, intuition, and inner truth.

Healing begins with awareness — noticing the exact moment you leave yourself.

Why We Do It

Self‑abandonment usually forms in childhood or early relationships where:

expressing needs wasn’t safe
being “easy” or “good” earned love
conflict felt dangerous
you learned to prioritise others to stay connected

Your system still believes this is the safest option. That’s why the work isn’t about forcing yourself to “be confident” — it’s about gently updating an old survival strategy.

How to Start Coming Back to Yourself

1. Cultivate Awareness

Notice when you override your needs, people‑please, or disconnect from your body. Pause. Breathe. Feel your feet. Let the emotion be there instead of pushing it away.

2. Prioritise Your Needs

Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Let the answer be simple — rest, space, clarity, water, a boundary.

3. Build Self‑Trust

Honour your boundaries. Keep your promises to yourself. Practise saying “no” in small, low‑stakes moments.

4. Practise Self‑Compassion

Replace harsh self‑talk with kindness. If self‑love feels too far away, start with self‑neutrality: “I’m human. I’m learning.”

5. Start Small

Tiny moments of self‑honouring create big change over time — one honest sentence, one true choice, one moment of checking in with your body.

6. Reach Out for Support

If you’re finding it hard to stay connected to yourself, you don’t have to do it alone. Support makes the process safer and more sustainable.

Download the Free Self‑Abandonment Worksheet

To help you integrate these practices, I’ve created a simple, step‑by‑step worksheet you can use anytime you feel yourself slipping into old patterns.

It includes: